I was wondering what the hell have I gotten myself into!? This was all brought about by the staff at a bike shop I visited today who thought I was crazy to do this trip. To make it worse, I browsed through photos of the bike and build alumni--tan, athletic looking chaps. And I was getting worried. I felt pale and flabby.
But the worst part was that I began to doubt myself. I was thinking Alia, you haven't trained enough. You're not fit enough to do this. Ghosts of the third-grader who got picked last in team sports flooded in; the 9th grade mile I couldn't run came to mind.
So I took a nap--which is what I've been doing increasingly these past few weeks (a good way to just ignore the problem for a while ;)) I had a nightmare.
In it, the world was distorting itself as I stood in a bike shop. A murderer had stolen a car and was in the parking lot. It was raining and I wandered with my keys, pressing the unlock button which activated multiple cars that weren't mine. For what seemed like a happy mood change, Skanda and Justin drove with me in a Mini but all happiness was evaded when the dream ended with us flying (the Mini turned into a plane) into a prominent building.
I trudged downstairs to my parent's bedroom in a daze. We unpacked my gear and talked.
What's the worst that can happen?
I could get really tired and feel like shit every day until I get used to it.
I could fall of my bike and really hurt myself.
I could feel fat and un-athletic if everyone else is super fit.
They're stinky scenarios but not SO terrible.
So no more worries because they don't help. I actually came across Dale Carnegie's book today in B&N something titled like "How To Stop Worrying" or something remarkably similar to my dilemma.
Here's a summary I found online:
Fundamental facts you should know about worry
- If you want to avoid worry, do what Sir William Osler did: Live in "day-tight compartments." Don't stew about the futures. Just live each day u ntil bedtime.
- The next time Trouble--with a Capital T--backs you up in a corner, try the magic formula of Willis H. Carrier:
- Ask yourself, "What is the worst that can possibly happen if I can't solve my problem?
- Prepare yourself mentally to accept the worst--if necessary.
- Then calmly try to improve upon the worst--which you have already mentally agreed to accept.
- Remind yourself of the exorbitant price you can pay for worry in terms of your health. "Those who do not know how to fight worry die young."
*http://www.westegg.com/unmaintained/carnegie/stop-worry.html
Well I'll head off to sleep now.
Good night!
